How to overcome social anxiety?
One thing a lot of people suffer with, especially these days is being socially anxious. One possible scenario is you enter a classroom, to go a party, or an a date. What might usually happens is your heart will start to pound. Soon you begin to overthink and question why are you there, you start to observe every single little thing you do, you become nervous and overtime all of your actions, and maybe you start to sweat. If you struggle with social anxiety, these simple social anxiety tips will help you stay calm and be yourself in any public situation.
You fear that what you might say, or do will be judged by others. What if they make fun of you? Or change their opinion about you. In any case one thing us certain, you’re not being yourself at all, this is not you, at least not the fun, talkable, and interesting person you’re when you’re comfortable.
What Really Causes Social Anxiety?
First, you have to understand that all of us stand out in our own minds. In a 2000 study, called “The Spotlight Effect in Social Judgment – An Egocentric Bias in Estimates of the Salience of One’s Own Actions and Appearance” researchers provided evidence that we’re overestimating how our actions and appearance are seen by others. In the study, students were asked to join a room to fill a questionnaire.
You can also learn how to clear your mind of unnecessary overthinking in this article on removing mental garbage.
Before entering the room, they were stalled and asked to wear a t-shirt with a big picture of a celebrity on it, whether that was Jerry Seinfeld, Bob Marley, and Martin Luther King. The chairs were arranged so everyone faced the door and could see the student wearing the t-shirt. And you might see where this is going.
The study was designed to replicate an embarrassing or uncomfortable social situation. The targeted students were intentionally stalled to be late and so they feel uncomfortable. After the session, t-shirt students estimated who noticed them, while others reported if they remembered the student or the celebrity image.
How the Study Reveals Our Social Misconceptions
What they found out is the tested students substantially overestimated how attentive the observers were in that situation. They thought they were noticed and remembered much more than they actually were. They thought that around 45-50% of observers remembered their shirt, while in reality only 5-10% actually did. The study was also repeated with modified versions where students were asked to discuss on a given subject for 20 minutes. Students believed their mistakes and contributions were more noticed than they actually were.
The research shows people think they stand out more, positively or negatively, than they really do.. This phenomenon is called “The Spotlight Effect” because people feel that the social spotlight shines better on them. So next time you enter a room, remember thus study, remember The Spotlight Effect and it should calm you down, because you’re noticed less often than you think.
To understand social anxiety from a clinical perspective, you can also read this guide from the National Institute of Mental Health on social anxiety disorder.
If you’re going on a date, remember that your date feels the same social Spotlight on them, and that they are preoccupied with their thoughts to notice your mistakes. There’s this new culture emerging on short videos like Reels and Tik Tok where people start to glamorize ‘main character energy’. The objective reality is that, you’re a secondary character to almost everyone else’s life. And that’s a good thing to remember when you’re feeling anxious in public situations.
Practical Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety
If you doubt the spotlight effect, ask yourself why you remember your own blunders but rarely others’. And this leads us to the second point. When anxious, remember the spotlight effect and start observing others to reduce your anxiety further.
The eye is a powerful organ, and aside from receiving visual sensations, it also directs attention. Which is very very important. When you look at something, the region in the brain responsible for focus and attention light up. When anxious, you instinctively look away, which shifts attention inward. Which is completely wrong. You need to look at other people and shift your focus on them. You cannot think about how awkward you are or that you don’t belong the room, all while looking and paying attention to other people. Your mind can’t focus on two things at once, so use that to your advantage.
To build long-term confidence, this guide on becoming unstoppable with a powerful mindset can also help.
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